It’s Finally Happening for Me

I arrive home from work, plop the little guy on his play mat and arrange the toys around him so he’s got a selection to choose from; some toys further away so that he has to work for them (come hell or high water, we’re going to learn how to crawl or scoot). I walk into the kitchen to get dinner started. As I’m washing the produce, I hear the little guy testing the range of his vocal cords…much to the dismay of the cats. The shrieks and guttural noises make me smile as I start chopping carrots.

I hear him blathering on as he takes his rattle in his fat little hand and bangs it on his little Adventure House that chirps in response. I quietly step out of the kitchen and into the dining room where he’s playing. I watch as his chubby wrist moves up to scratch his big dirty-blond head and his blue-green eyes widen in wonder.

Dinner forgotten, I walk toward him and his eyes brighten with excitement once he sees me. His pink lips curl up in a wide, nearly toothless smile as he shrieks his baby greeting. His rotund belly shakes in excitement. I sit down next to him and watch as he slaps the play mat and grabs at whatever he can get his fists on – largely my hair. While grabbing his foot, he then attempts to reach for his pacifier which, in his little baby eyes, must seem leagues away. Losing his balance, he crashes to the side and up goes his little baby tush in the air as he finally triumphantly lands on that pacifier.

I pick him up and immediately his knees lock so he can stand up and check out his surroundings. As I gaze into that rosy face, with giant cheeks and remnants of banana on that button nose, I know that it’s finally happening for me.

I can’t think of anywhere else I want to be at that moment.

I feel fascination, joy, pride.

There it is…love.

On Sunday, my husband took the little guy to the airport to pick up the grandparents. I was excited for the alone time to relax, write and have a cup of coffee. Yet within ten minutes of them being gone, as I thought about how cute the little guy looked in his striped onesie, I realized that I missed my little dough ball and his big smile.

It’s here. That bond.

Finally, what everyone promised me is here. Our family battled through the storm of my depression, baby boy, but we’ve finally arrived.

In the words of Jimmy Cliff – it’s gonna be a bright, (bright), bright, (bright) sunshiney day…

Postpartum World_ICON_4C_Yellow Rattle

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